


Electiontale

by Kanexan, speedmccool25



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: 2016 US Presidential Election, Absolutely non-canon, American Politics, And Tem Kaine, Attempt at Humor, Chara Has Their Own Body, Chara Is Back for Unexplained Reasons, Everybody Gets Mocked, Male Chara, Not An Accurate Source of Political Views, Please Don't Hate Me, Politics & Government, Satire, Some OOC Moments, There's A Trump Flower, Those Two Pretty Much Sum It Up, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 02:38:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14607459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanexan/pseuds/Kanexan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/speedmccool25/pseuds/speedmccool25
Summary: King Asgore is dead, and the Underground has been thrown into chaos. The Queen was supposed to have taken power immediately, but some monsters have challenged her. One by one they fell, until there was only one challenger left...Flowey, wearing a very bad wig.





	Electiontale

**Author's Note:**

> I... I got nothing. This was the product of about two hours' conversation with speedmccool25 on Tumblr, so half the blame goes to him. Future chapters will likely be the both of us working together on it. Neither Kanexan nor speedmccool endorse or promote the ideology of any American politician or political party through this work of fiction.

"Good evening beauties and gentlebeauties! This is Mettaton-EX, reporting live from MTT!"

Mettaton sits at a newsdesk, wearing a tie and a hideously-garish red suit. In his hands is a thick stack of papers, while behind him is a screen showing two empty podiums. He simulates clearing his throat, and continues.

"Tonight, as you all know, is the first proper debate of the _extraordinary_ 20XX Election Cycle to name a new monarch for the Underground! The debaters tonight are the former Queen, Toriel Dreemurr, and Flowey the Flower, with both moderated by MTT's  _fabulous_ Arthur "Burgerpants" Felix! We now turn to our wonderful panel of experts: would you care to explain how the Kingdom got to this point?"

The camera swings to another desk. Mettaton sits in one chair, somehow having changed his suit to an even worse-looking green one, with the other chairs being filled with smaller replicas of himself.

Mettaton shuffles his papers. "I'd love to, darling. In the race to this point, the Queen easily defeated her two Royal Party challengers, although the Sans-ers are claiming the primaries were rigged in her favor. When asked for comment, Sans started to blame corporate influence from the Spiders, but fell asleep first. Now, Toriel faces the opponent nobody thought she ever would..."

The screen pans back to the first desk. Red-suit Mettaton asks "And that would be Flowey the Flower, would it not?"

Green-suit Mettaton: "Yes, darling. After the field narrowed, it came down to Flowey, Gaster, and Undyne for the Challenging Party. Even though he had the backing of Bot News, Gaster's support vanished along with the candidate himself; Flowey simply out-swam Undyne in the remaining primaries. While she did win her native Waterfall, the largest individual Challenger stronghold, I'm afraid that wasn't enough to tip the scales in her favor. "

Red-suit Mettaton retakes the picture, which zooms in on his robotic face. "Well, this will be quite a night. The candidates couldn't be more apart, one being the heir-apparent member of the Dreemurr dynasty and the other being a... well, a flower, but both have strong Ruins backgrounds; I wonder if their shared, ahem, roots have had any effect on this race? We'll find out tonight. This is MTT, the most Trusted Name in- OH MY! The candidates are coming onto the stage!"

* * *

 First onto the stage is the debate moderator, Burgerpants, in an incredibly shabby, ill-fitting khaki suit. Next comes Toriel, former and aspiring future Queen of Monsters, stepping up to the podium. Last up is Flowey T. Flower, whose pot is carried onto the podium by his running mate, Chara [REDACTED]. After setting down the candidate, Chara leaves the stage and sits next to Toriel's running mate, Tem.

Burgerpants half-heartedly adjusts his tie. "Well, uh. I... guess I'm supposed to ask you questions now? Let's try... 'How will you bring new leadership to the monsters now that our last, best hopes have been shattered and oh god why do I bother.' Huh. That... that's actually what it says. You, the flower one. You go first, little guy."

The flower perks up in his pot, wig shifting precariously. He leans in really, really close to the microphone. "Well, I just- I wanna say, I'm the best leader. I've always been, always will be. Ask anybody, they'll tell you 'Oh, Flowey Flower? He's the best leader I've ever seen in my entire life!' And they'd be right, because I am. Miles better than Angry Asgore or Crooked Toriel, who, by the way, belongs in ja-"

"Sorry, little buddy. Time limit's up. Quee- _Mrs._ Toriel, what's your response?"

"Well, I say that's wrong." Toriel stands a little taller behind the podium. "I've done nothing wrong, ever. All I want to do is bring hope to the monsters, through embracing the humans that fall down and showing them our Kingdom so-"

"You hear that? She wants to _welcome_ new humans to the underground!" screeches Flowey, hair falling off completely at this point. "I say the humans are a _menace_! We need to make another Barrier, a bigger one, and stick it over the Ruins so they can't get in!"

"Excuse me, I was speaking. That is very, very rude of you to interrupt and I think you should think be ashamed of yourself. Humans are wonderful, as I've known ever since I first met Chara. Humans will make our community good, because they are good."

"Ah, um, dudes?" Burgerpants interrupts, "We need to get to the next question. For Toriel this time, 'Some in Snowdin and the farther parts of the Underground feel that they're being left out, and that New Home's problems are getting the government's priority because more people live there.' What do, uh, what's your response, lady?"

Toriel blinks. Then, she says, "That's not true. The Kingdom is fair and represents everybody who comes here."

"Uh, yeah, but these guys say you don't."

"Well, they're wrong. We listened to everyone who told us they had problems, and then the biggest problems that affected the most people were the ones that we fixed. If people think Snowdin and Hotland have problems that the Capital doesn't, they should move to New Home, where they don't have those problems."

Burgerpants stares at her for a bit and then turns to Flowey. "Well then. What do you say, little guy?"

"Of course the Kingdom doesn't help Snowdin anymore! All the people they see, all the people who lobby, all the guys they _care about_ , they're in New Home! They only care about the problems that affect the Big Guys, they don't, I'm telling you they don't, they don't care about all the Small Guys anymore. We need to go back to how it used to be, when the King walked the whole Underground, and spoke to everyone, and cared about everyone, and lowered all their taxes! When I'm King, I'm gonna talk to so many people you won't believe it. I'll spend all my time in Snowdin, listening to their problems. New Home, they can stuff it!"

"Who-ho-hoa little guy, you're _way_ over your time limit. Alrighty, next question... for Flowey, I guess. 'How do you plan on improving the economy, seeing as a burger made of glue costs more than its own weight in gold?'"

A look of panic falls over Flowey's face. "Well, I'm... uh... I'm going to lower taxes..." Flowey suddenly shifts tactics. "Which is something Crooked Toriel would _never_ do! She just wants to take all the money,  _your_ money, and make a big pile out of it that she can roll on. Maybe buy some nice planters- I mean some nice pie tins! Pie tins made of solid gold. And she'll spend all her time baking. Me, I'd never. I have so much gold, I don't know what to do with it. Elect me, and I'll spend all my time working; maybe I'll give away my gold. All of it. To my charity, the Flowey Foundation."

"Excuse me?" Toriel says. "Gold makes terrible pie tins. I'm insulted you would think I'd use those. And that's not what I want to do. That would be wrong."

"Uh, guys? This question was about the economy. Isn't that supposed to be kinda important?" Burgerpants tries to regain control of the debate.

"And even if I did do that, which I promise I never thought of before now, the nation likes pie. I make good pies, and I'll make them for the whole kingdom. I'll subsidize pies, and we'll feed the poor people with them." Toriel says, ignoring the moderator.

"Why should the poor people get free pie?!" screeches Flowey, "If they can't get their own pies, then they should work harder for more money! I worked hard and have money, and I can buy pie! Your pie is terrible, anyway! It's the worst, the worst pie I've ever seen, maybe ever. I wouldn't eat- ACK!" Flowey's pot is knocked off his podium by a fireball. Toriel follows up with a barrage of additional flames. "HOW **DARE** YOU INSULT MY PIE, YOU... _DEPLORABLE_ WEED!"

"HA! I could take you with one petal, blindfolded! I'm the best fighter, believe me! I've been in so many fights, it's _incredible_!" Flowey dodges the flames and summons his 'friendliness' pellets, surrounding the infuriated queen. Magical projectiles swarm the platform, from one candidate to another. Ducking flames and ~~bullets~~ pellets, Burgerpants runs from the stage. The Royal Guards assigned to security rush the stage, at which point the footage is cut.

* * *

"Good evening, beauties and gentlebeauties! This is Mettaton, reporting live from MTT!"

The robot reporter is in yet another _extremely_ tacky suit, purple this time, and is airing from the same newsroom as before. In the background, Burgerpants is nursing a burn on his arm as he tries to hitch up his suit-pants. The look of shock on Mettaton's face is palpable.

"I simply _must_ apologize for that appalling scene! That our anchor and moderator would leave his duties is completely unacceptable." Burgerpants looks up, surprised. Mettaton continues, "We here at MTT are dedicated to getting you, the viewer, the most _fabulous_ scoop available at any time! To preserve the quality of MTT news reporting, Burgerpants has been summarily placed on leave pending review."

"H-hey! What was I-" Burgerpants tries to protest, while security escorts him out of the newsroom. Mettaton waits until he's gone, and then continues.

"Now, on to the real news. What an exciting night! I'm sure you're all much more edified on the merits of the candidates now. Remember to catch tonight's special MTT interview with Bot News' Jean Manatee on his reaction to the debate! Airs 9/10 Hotland, after our TV showing of _A Tin-Can Showman: The Mettaton Story_ _, Pt. XVII!_ I'm your host, Mettaton, and this... is MTT!

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not do the Vice-Presidential Debates next, featuring Chara vs. Tem. I am so, so sorry.


End file.
